How to Find an Ideal Date

The world is not quite what it used to be some decades back. The world, as we know it today, has been a product of steady advances in knowledge as a result of research and technology. Education, health care, finance, agriculture, commerce, and so on have seen evolution to get more efficient solutions and outcomes. 

The dating scene has been just as affected. Up until the mid-1990s, when traditional dating websites were created, it was more of a ‘partner meet partner’ – at the local pub, park, mall, or any other chance interaction- kind of setting. If any of those partners were to be interested, they would then have to figure out how to be in touch with their proposed partner, hopefully, begin a friendship or just ask them out on a date right away.

Each one definitely had its perks and downsides but for sure, meeting and wooing partners has become a lot less physical and random, meaning partners exert a bit more control on the selection process but it comes at a risk of a bit more unpredictability than is the case when partners meet up physically in the initial case.

Interestingly, the dating pool is filled with several excellent potential partners and just as many terrible dates so to maximize the dating experience, it helps to get some tips that will help guide usage of the dating websites.

9  Steps to Finding an Ideal Partner for You

1. Develop a Wish-list

People tend to be usually clear on their goals but not quite on the details and workability of their set objectives. It certainly helps when you can properly articulate your thoughts and desires to help you spot them easily.

Someone who prefers to be in a relationship with an athlete, for instance,  should be looking to decide on which track and field athletics rank higher on his/her list and what specific games he/she would prefer the partner to be playing as well as the level of competitiveness.

For instance, someone who competes in the heptathlon certainly has different demands and regimens from someone who is, say, a pole vaulter.

This should help guide romantic choices. Getting specific to the tiniest of details helps in making proper decisions on potential dating partners.

2. Develop a Suitability Index

Once you’ve determined your choice characteristics in a partner, it’s helpful to get a rank scale and allot points for each characteristic and a baseline point system to determine eligibility.

Using such a system, individuals who meet the requirements are fit to be considered for dates. This is a custom-made system that helps to control the kind of people that one gets associated with.

3. Get on a Website

It really goes without saying but you have to decide on what site you want to use. Each one has its unique features and appeals to different kinds of individuals. As a guide, you should steer clear of free dating sites because the chances of fraud are higher on those platforms. 

Privacy breaches are also enough reason to pay attention to the terms in the sites that are being considered. There are several sites that suit individuals’ very different tastes and interests. 

4. Employ Intelligent Matchmaking

To whittle down options, there are personality tests that can help assess the compatibility of partners by the dating sites for matching partners with higher chances of building lasting connections and relationships. Take advantage of those.

5. Set up a Profile

It is so important that a proper dating profile is put up to attract the right partners. Moderacy and decency are very important because an air of mystery heightens appeal and the desire to discover. A profile photo is arguably the single most important part of the profile and a recent, captivating impression of oneself goes a very long way in portraying what one represents. A well-lit, relaxing environment provides a great backdrop for the photograph, highlighting facial features and going as low as the shoulder and it should set the mood for potential engagements.

6. Leave a Good First Impression

The first interaction is so important so it’s very important that the messages are properly crafted and reflect interest and attention to detail in the other party’s bio. Intelligent texting is always a turn-on and a fine balance between flirting and courtesy works like magic and helps register a lasting impression in the mind of love interests.

7. Bide Your Time

Once the vibe seems right, there is the possibility that anxiety will kick in and the desire to meet up physically will increase. It is wise, however, to exercise restraint and concentrate on building the relationship and getting to know each other. There is no pressure. Once the time is right, physical meetings would naturally occur, this time with the assurance that the relationship has some spine for stability.

8. Plan for the First Date

Once the first date is scheduled, it is important to put a lot of effort into the planning and preparation on both sides. All details are important. The dressing, the setting of the meeting point, and so on.

It is usually advised that a location that allows for proper communication is picked. Since both parties are still trying to get to know each other, it is important that they try to test the level of connection they can achieve. This will help to guide their choices regarding the long-term plans for the relationship that they are trying to build.

9. Keep Up the Effort

Most of the time, people struggle to stay interested in using dating websites after a couple of failed attempts. 

We are hardly ever so lucky to find the man or woman of our dreams the first time asking. However, if we keep the faith, the desired partner might be only a few clicks away.  

The tips, as listed above, are worthy attempts at finding ideal dating partners on dating websites. So, with a bit of luck, you should be well on your way very soon. Keep going!

Unconditional Love: The Secret of a Happy Relationship

One of the most highly-esteemed measures of success beyond career satisfaction, material possessions, financial security, a solid reputation, long life, and good health is a happy relationship. 

As a matter of fact, the majorities of scandals in public life involve relationship issues ranging from infidelity, domestic violence, and workplace romance vis-a-vis professional ethics to suspicion of strained relationships and perceived cracks in relationships due to things as seemingly unimportant as social media activity. 

The gossip mill is, therefore, always rolling and cooking up conspiracy theories that are readily lapped up by the unwitting public.

Curiously, a happy relationship is a crucial determining factor in the level of acceptance and relatability an individual gets, and a failed relationship is seen as a dent in an individual’s profile, especially in political office hopefuls, as it portrays responsibility.

Even at that, ‘unconditional love and ‘happy relationships’ are seen as myths and society generally respects and appreciates the ability of individuals to ‘keep it together in the face of challenges they may be faced with when it comes to relationships.

Some people believe that all forms of love are transactional and that all forms of love depend on one precondition or the other. They link the love a mother has for her child to parenthood, the love shared between romantic partners to be due to their desirable attributes and features and the love shared between siblings and childhood friends to be due to common heritage, upbringing, and so on.

Without these undertones, love is believed to be non-existent or, at best, feigned.

What, then, is unconditional love? It is selfless devotion to and affection for a  person that has no demands or requirements of the loved individual.

 There is no select individual or group that embodies this feeling but it can be exhibited by anyone who has it in them to demonstrate such affection to others and is willing to do so.

Features of Unconditional Love

1. It Brings Security

It is reassuring to find that one is loved by friends and family regardless of what one does or does not do and this eliminates the need for pretense or falsehood.

It also removes pressure and anxiety as the said individual knows that whatever outcomes he/she gets will not negate or change the way his or her loved ones feel.

In the case of romantic relationships, it certainly helps to know that physical decline or a change in fortunes for the worse will not change the way one’s partner feels about them.

2. It is Selfless

Altruism is an attribute of unconditional love. Altruism refers to acts of benevolence that are done with the intention of supporting and helping others without expecting anything in return, often to the benefit of the recipient and the detriment of the giver. 

It begs the question as to whether or not happy relationships are healthy relationships because unconditional love- which leads to happy relationships- is usually one-sided and may be termed, ‘unhealthy’.

3. It is Emotionally Beneficial

Scientific studies have shown that there is positive feedback in the brain as a result of feelings of unconditional love that are given, with similarities shared with certain aspects of romantic love.

In the same vein, recipients of unconditional love are better served by these actions because advances in science have shown that parenting styles that demonstrate unconditional love usually translates to rich, long lives for the kids in question and foster their emotional well-being, insulating them from toxicity, trauma and emotional abuse.

4. It Guarantees Acceptance and Full Forgiveness

One of the terms of unconditional love is full forgiveness, regardless of the offense, before it is even conceived, not to talk of carrying out. It is based on the assumption that mistakes are a given in human interaction and that regardless of the errors in judgment that might be the case as a result of the individual’s actions, forgiveness is granted perfunctorily.

Even in the face of the possibility of no improvement or positive change, acceptance lies in unconditional love by respecting the fact that things will very likely not change, protecting one’s mental health, and loving, anyway.

Common Misconceptions about Unconditional Love

Unconditional love is often mistaken for a toxic relationship with romantic interests. In the latter, harmful actions are condoned and tolerated to no end. Unconditional love and unconditional access are also mutually exclusive, that is, loving unconditionally does not require you to always provide the said person with your time and attention.

As a matter of fact, you can shut down all communication channels as you so desire.

Here are some points that illustrate what unconditional love is NOT:

1. Tolerating Abuse

A primal instinct of man is that of safety. If you, thus, choose to quiet the flight instinct in you at the sniff of long-term danger that is beyond you on the account of ‘unconditional love, then you have only yourself to blame.

Harmful incidents are hardly ever isolated and are usually the result of numbed or ignored signs that point to impending danger. As such, tendencies that are potentially harmful and beyond the power of the lover to redeem should be duly addressed by immediate disentanglement with the said individual and then, forgiveness can subsequently be granted.

Thus, abuse- either physically or emotionally- should automatically lead to the end of any such relationship.

2. Forfeiture of Your Own Needs

While unconditional love is largely sacrificial, it should never come at the expense of your own needs. More often than not, unconditional love furnishes recipients with all of their needs which, oftentimes, may lead to the giver being spent and drained, with no means of servicing their own needs or replenishing their own ‘tanks’ of goodwill and love.

3. Ignoring Relationship Issues

There are certain deal-breakers in relationships and boundaries which, upon violation, can no longer be restored.  In cases such as this where conflict is brewing as a result of differences in priority or irreconcilable differences, it is safest to not overlook the challenges but address them appropriately and if the relationship has hit the rocks, it is better to move on because of ‘sooner death, than indignation’.

Thus, it has been demonstrated that unconditional love is a secret to a happy relationship, at least for one of the partners. 

What is Love? Definition of Love in a Relationship

L-O-V-E. Four letters. One word. Several meanings. Several stories. 

The purest of emotions, the deepest of feelings, the highest of ideals. 

The subject of the misguided profession, the object of undue affectation. 

Passion. Pleasure. Pain. Bond. Blood. Bliss.

You can’t quite manage to fully capture the extent of this state but once the strings of your heart are tugged, there’s very little left to do. ‘Head over heart’, ‘Mind over matter, yet Cupid strikes the best of us ever so cleanly.

Companionship is one of man’s primal desires and in our quest for kin, we find love. As emotional beings, however, we sometimes find it difficult to properly identify and put a name to our feelings. Sometimes, it could be infatuation, at other times admiration, sympathy, or even outright delusion. 

Due to the combination of our hearts being in a constant state of flux, the shared features of these feelings, and the human factors of care, attention, support, etc. that may be provided in and around these periods, it is possible to assume that what is felt is ‘love’ when, in fact, the heart feels strongly for the individual in question but not quite in a manner to be explored romantically.

True love is the perfect form of love, without ifs or buts. Patient, kind, unwavering, timeless, irrational. It is what religion and faith try to draw on as a principal tenet. It is being loved for merely existing and no more. It is familial, satisfying in the presence, and reassuring in the absence.

It takes on all sorts of forms and along the way, loses a bit of its essence to charge.

The thing with charge, however, is that it could be positive or negative; weak or strong; static or fluid. However, unlike electricity, it is hardly ever neutral. As a matter of fact, indifference may mean there’s no way back in a once-romantic relationship.

What is Love in a Relationship?

Love in a relationship is a charged form of love that is expressed romantically. It takes a lot of trust, vulnerability, and shared will to preserve the fervor of love, and is an extremely heated emotion on both sides of the divide. It is active, endearing, passionate, and intense, and has the potential to be just as brutal, especially if unrequited or disrespected. 

It is unique to the partners in the relationship and thrives when nurtured adequately. It is shared and is the active ingredient in every romantic relationship, providing a solid foundation upon which the union is built. It deepens with an understanding of each partner’s demands and the willingness of both partners to meet each other halfway. 

The points listed above, including: ‘passion’, ‘pleasure’, ‘pain’, ‘bond’, ‘blood’, and ‘bliss’ would be discussed subsequently in the manners by which they relate to the concept of ‘love’.

1. Passion

The defining characteristic of love in a relationship is passion. It is the desire and longing that pervades each partner’s soul and burns in their hearts. The optimism and zeal to go the distance together, regardless of obstacles that the lovers may face… It is the confidence that dating teens have that what they have together will last forever. It tends to be blinding and blushing, especially in the early stages. Most aged couples struggle to recapture the passion of their youth because even a semblance of that can inject vitality and fresh life into any relationship.

2. Pleasure

It is an extremely delightful experience to find a partner to pour your heart into. With life comes a desire to create memories, share wins or losses, give and receive comfort, take risks, try out new things, explore, and basically share parts of oneself with others. The thrill of doing this with a partner and the feeling it brings is what is captured here.

The evening strolls, getaway trips, movie dates, enjoying each other’s company in silence, hearty meals shared, and soulful conversations had, among others all helped to heighten the pleasure felt by both partners beyond the attraction they have for each other.

There is a reason sexual relations between romantic partners are called ‘lovemaking’.

3. Pain

‘To love is to suffer. To avoid suffering, one must not love. But, then one suffers from not loving. Therefore, to love is to suffer, not to love is to suffer, and to suffer is to suffer. To be happy is to love, to be happy, then, is to suffer, but suffering makes one unhappy, therefore, to be unhappy one must love, or love to suffer, or suffer from too much happiness…’ The above quote from Woody Allen is a perfect description of the pain that is felt as a result of love.

Even in death, love festers. It is said that grief is love persevering and even that is pain.

4. Bond  

More than we like to admit, a cord connects us to those with whom we have shared moments of intimacy. We attempt to explain it away in a flush, referring to it as a ‘soft spot’ or ‘momentary distraction’ for old times’ sake but because the flames of love might not be totally extinguished, it is not rare to find old flames get reignited. This is proof that connections exist in love; emotional and otherwise.

5. Blood 

Blood, here, is representative of sacrifices. Partners, who are very often sources of joy to each other are also reasons to make sacrifices, some more demanding than others.  They range from ‘trivial’ issues like music tastes to life-defining sacrifices like settling for certain careers or cities to accommodate one’s partner’s needs.

6. Bliss

To cap it off, romantic relationships are intended to end in bliss beyond the challenges that may be faced along the way.

To indicate interest and sustain a connection with love interests, it is important to understand the concept of love languages.

They include words of affirmation, quality time, receiving gifts, acts of service, and physical touch.

They are active expressions of love in the native language of our partners or intended partners, without necessarily having to spell it out. It is so important that we speak their preferred language and do so in their dialect too because love lies not just in being gratified but in extending some to your partner. Online dating might help you in connecting with the person of your interest but you can only make that a lasting relationship.